21 June 2018
Abba, I choose to trust you!
So many times we suffer, not only in the things that we go through – we also suffer from spiritual amnesia.
We have forgotten who we are, why are we here, that we carry the keys of the Kingdom and how much power for good we possess. We forgot how much power our prayers carry, and in all this – I believe that Abba Father is calling us out of our self into Him who is able! He called us to overcome.
There are times in our lives that we don’t understand our journeys. And we boldly say, “I don’t understand God. What did I do wrong? Did I take the wrong turn, or made a wrong decision?”
King David also felt that way. Psalm 22:1 “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why are You so far from helping me, and from the words of my groaning?”
God’s hand never left David, but David must have experienced these emotions in his life. He had so many promises of God, and most of all the presence of God was so visible on his life.
But in Psalm 22:2 “O my God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear, and in the night season, I am not silent”.
He was saying that he felt that God was not hearing his cry?
Do you know that feeling?
We have reminded God of all the promises that He made to us. Will they ever be fulfilled?
Just like David, we were raised as Christians, learned to trust God, learned of God’s power to get trained in life to fight the lion and the bear. Maybe just like David you were anointed, and received a prophecy about what God was going to do with your life. You fought many battles, and had seen many victories, knowing it was only through God’s power.
But then the day came when David said in Psalm 22:11 “Be not far from me, for trouble is near, and there is no help”.
You know in your heart that whatever you face, you cannot do this in your own strength – but God seems to stay in a distance?
David could easily have asked – what about all the promises? When are they going to be fulfilled, and why, why, why do I have to go through this?
God knows exactly what we face and why we face it, and He knows what it will take to get us through.
In my life, I had to learn that God is more concerned about my heart and my relationship with Him, than anything else I am facing or how long it takes.
If you want to be a representative of God before the people, God will have to get the ‘self’ out of you.
While getting the ‘self’ out, He imparts ‘Trust in God alone’.
Not ‘my way’ – but ‘Your way, God’.
In all these sufferings – God keeps on manifesting His goodness and faithfulness to us.
God wants us to be ‘overcomers’. There are areas in our lives that bear no fruit, or bad fruit – and we need to overcome evil with good. We need to pass through our wastelands of our feelings of failure, sadness, fear, hate, strife, bitterness, depression, anger and so much more.
We need to overcome!
Sometimes we become so overwhelmed by a sense of failure that we want to stop, or fight our way through. These difficult times are amazing times of restoration if you are willing to look into your own heart and stop pointing a finger to everyone else.
If you would allow God to show you the true condition of your heart, and allow Him to do deep surgery work in you.
The world says – You are not going to make it. But God is busy working in the stillness of your heart – writing a message of hope on the tables of your heart. “My dear child, I have waited so long for you to get to this point where you would stop and allow me to take over. I will never fail you, nor forsake you. But I cannot help you till you lay it all down. I want to take ‘self’ out of your heart. I know what is waiting for you – and you will not be able to stand with all the ‘self’ in you. Allow Me to take it out, allow Me to prepare your heart and create in you a clean heart.
For me this was and is still a painful journey because of all the darkness within. God knows that we all carry a double that is filled with darkness, and He wants that double out of us.
That double is our generational dark inheritance.
And if you still suffer spiritual amnesia, you would think it is only Retah that struggles with these epigenetic dark markers of sickness and curses.
James 1:8 says that “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways”.
The more I walked this journey and God started to show me the darkness in my own heart – and I could lay it down, humbly repent – a new way of living opened to me.
In all the suffering, I began to see that God only needed faith in Him. Then our spiritual eyes opened and we started seeing that God can take our nothing and make something beautiful out of it. He washes our darkness with His Blood, and allow His glory to shine through a humble heart. He exchanges the curse for a blessing, and sickness for healing.
If it wasn’t for all the suffering that we went through, I would never have stopped and asked God – why?
His answer to me was the same as He answered David – “You were born out of your mother’s womb with these dark markers on you. You have to get ‘self’ out, and get ‘faith in God’ in”.
When we wake up from our spiritual amnesia, there is a great revival waiting for us.
God is not looking for talent, or all your expertise, our money or resources.
He is looking for a heart that is willing to die in ‘self’, and allows Him to take our double out. “Take my life and use it all for Your Glory”. That in itself – will make you die my dear friend. And after that you will never, never ever again point a finger to someone else. Because you would know the sweet taste of grace ‘much forgiven – much love’.
And because of that you would treat other people with the same grace.
There were many days that I just spent the whole day on the carpet with Aldo. Him being sick and not being able to help himself. Through tears, I sat flat on the carpet writing my web letters and answering emails. I read about people fighting each other, while we were fighting for life?
God, is this necessary that we have to suffer like this? Hasn’t it been hard enough?
“Retah, I had to take away your own strength to teach you how to be dependent on Me. I force you to exercise all your spiritual muscles, not just some of them. This is a race of faith, and to finish this race strong, you will be able to use all your muscles. I want you to be an overcomer. Retah, I don’t want you to preach my child, I want you to carry My glory. And that you can only do if you allow me to take out your own glory and be filled with Me. Only then can I transform you into My likeness!”
Psalm 119:67 “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word”.
“The closer you come to Me, the more you will fight the darkness within you. It is My faithfulness that shows you your heart’s condition. You are not overpowered by darkness My child; it is the Light within you that is busy overpowering the darkness. Everyone has a choice what to do with this darkness. You overcome it with My blood, or you fight it by yourself and your own abilities. This is a place where you learn how to follow Me. I am preparing you for what is to come. I cannot do with your life what I promised to do with all these dark double ‘self’ in you.
The enemy wants to tell you – you are finished! But I tell you, I have just started with you. In these trials and despair, I want you to be at good cheer – because I know the plans I have for you – plans to prosper you and not to harm you. You are fighting a generational iniquity battle. And this battle is not only for your house but for a generation. You said – Yes Lord, and that is why I use you.”
Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways.”
Today I know that it is not always necessary to know why? What is necessary to know is that God is in all of this. I am not alone. And what He started in me, He will finish.
Instead of asking why – let’s learn to say, “Abba, my Abba – I choose to trust you today”.
I read in Isaiah that God spoke through the prophet. “Even though you are going through times of pain and suffering, you are not alone. In all this pain, you learned to trust Me, to hold on to Me, and we became very intimate. All the times in My presence made you started to drink from the fountain of life. You started to carry the beautiful fragrance of my grace. I look at you and see how much grace you start to pour out on others.
You see my child; you are transformed amid your sufferings. You did not even see it. Your eyes just saw your pain – but My eyes saw the beauty of your dependent heart.
Stay in Me – and be at good cheer, because I have overcome the world and all these suffering within it.
I cannot use you with all your own ‘self’ in you. I know you think you are being used in My kingdom, but no one is being changed where ‘self’ is displayed. I love you, and I know you love Me – allow Me to form you into My likeness.”
And for that – you need to die!
“I give you my nothing Abba, please do Your work in me so that You alone will get the glory for my life.”
I bless you my dear friend.
Retah and family.