• Retah McPherson

Are you a slave to fear?

Do you carry a ‘Fear bond or a love bond?’

What bond do you use to motivate your family? What methods do you use to get results out of you personally or your children? What bonds do you use to get people focused, to teach someone a lesson, or to get someone’s attention?

What do you do when a problem arises in your home and everything you’ve tried fails?

What works best for you? What do you refer back to? Love or Fear?

Emotions are connections – binding you to others through joy, fear, love, hate, anger, excitement, guilt, shame. Our bonds with other people are the emotional connections that help us to meet our needs or the needs of others. All emotions produce either ‘love or fear’. Emotions are exchanged in a home through bonds of love or fear.

Do our children respond to us because they love us – or because they fear us? Some children just ignore their parents, because they don’t love or fear them – they’ve decided to live in an emotional no man’s land. Shutting themselves in a place where they are sheltered from any emotions.  

So many children have fear bonds with their parents. They are so scared to tell the truth, fearing the emotional explosion it would trigger, that they rather lie. This is what the system of Baal teaches us – fear! They don’t care that YHVH knows the truth about them, as long as their parents just never find out!

Yeshua teaches us about the value of love bonds. It is in a way our life support system like an umbilical cord binding us together with our Father. This love bond gives us the freedom to live and explore life under His protection and guidance.

John 15:9  I have loved you, [just] as the Father has loved Me; abide in My love [continue in His love with Me].

The enemy, on the other hand, wants to bind us to him with an umbilical cord of fear where we are too scared to live, express ourselves and be free. The Word tells us that there are no room for both. Fear is no companion of love.

1 John 4:18  There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection].

Fear influences our behaviour and our thoughts. Fear forces us to keep our focus on the things or persons that hurt us. Our lives become a life of worry and concern; and worry triggers fear. Fear produces long lasting changes and patterns in our minds. It becomes a well warn pathway for the enemy.  It works like a generator that keeps the cycle of worry going. He needs someone in each of our lives that can trigger fear in us and that person becomes the generator for the fear cycle. Fear bonds are used to keep us captive, making us slaves to fear.

And the sad thing is that so many children have fear bonds with their parents.

People have constant fear of rejection and fears of not being good enough. Fear causes the brain’s alarm centre (amygdala) to take control and dominate the brain. When this happens, your ‘will’ can no longer control what the mind does. That is how people become controlled by fear. For this to be possible the enemy needs fear bonds. Who better to use than parents that do not walk in love, but control every situation in the house with fear.

Today I want to say to you – it doesn’t matter how much fear you live in – there is always hope! Because Yeshua are saying to us today FEAR NOT!

Love motivates, love grows, love sees the best in someone, love picks up, love forgives 70 x7, love is humble, love leaves room for each other’s mistakes, love teaches, love listens, love brings joy, love has open arms, love gives, love shares, love overrides the fear centres. Love does not blame others, love does not carry guilt, love does not remember the past trespasses and disappointments, love embraces, love explains and love leads by example.

What are the bonds you have with your spouse or your children?

Through intense negative emotional experiences strong bonds are formed. These negative bonds are called trauma bonds.

Where there are:

Anger bonds – people get very angry.

Guilt bonds – blame is shifted onto others.

Fear bonds – people are threatened. ’If you don’t, then I will’…I will move out, I will leave you, I will divorce you, I will tell everyone……..’

In our homes ‘guilt and fear’ punishment are the most common incentives to motivate our children. That is Satan’s way of breaking down our children, programming them with fear. Their trigger will always be worry – and this pattern or programming will continue for the rest of their lives until they find the truth. Intensified fear bonds can ultimately lead people into Satanism (occult) - a life without YHVH.

Hearts become so hard and no love can flow to or from them. Those people will have an unteachable spirit. I found that most of these people seek intense music and experiences. They struggle to live a life filled with peace and harmony. They always want to be on a high – living from fear and controlling others in the same way. Fear becomes like a drug to them.

Abusive families use their intense form of fear on children or spouses and call it ‘love’?  

My friend, a strong fear bond is not love! I am so sorry, but so many people have the wrong impression of a ‘love bond’. Please ask Holy Spirit to show you what the bonds look like in your family. What are you busy programming?  A fear and control bond, or a love bond?

Yeshua has only ‘love bonds’ with and for us and Satan mainly ’fear bonds’.

Many people are slaves of fear – because that is all they know. I (Retah) came out of a family where we were controlled by fear bonds. I was more afraid of my father than I was of YHVH. I did not understand real love. I was always in fear of not being good enough. And this made me seek acceptance in many different ways – driving myself to excel, seeking acceptance. That was until I met the King, Yeshua. He died for me and loves me with an unconditional love. He never threatens me with fear, instead He always says to me FEAR NOT!

I am no longer a slave of fear – I am a child of GOD!  And He loves me unconditionally. Even when I make mistakes, He still picks me up and helps me always in Love through Truth. He never judges me, or points a finger at me. He loves me so much that He gave His Son and Holy Spirit to be with me and to help me with everything. 

Today, we as a family can sit and listen to each other’s hearts and always leave room for mistakes. I see how a ‘love bond’ is so strong that it can overcome anything. I want my children to look me in the eyes and to experience love and not fear. No matter what happened.

This is love! ‘With arms wide open - saying - fear not!’

Love to you all, out of a cold and rainy Stellenbosch.   

Retah and family

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