It is Thursday evening after 12 pm, and this is the first free moment I have to write this letter. Some weeks are just more hectic than others; especially when I am away from home. But this is nothing to complain about, because I know our Abba is still in control.
There were quiet times in my spirit this week, but also times when I was very excited! We started dealing with Aldo’s trauma, because I could see that there were still wounds because of what he endured – the reason is the trauma spirit had a legal right to be there because for a long period of time Aldo wasn’t able to speak. When he eventually could speak, we only focused on his needs and not on his emotional hurts. I assumed because he was so strong in his spirit that the pain would have been absorbed – but no – the spirit, soul and flesh needs to come in line with God’s Word. Hurting, I realized this ugly truth, that when you open a can of worms, expect worms to come out – and then we have to deal with it! Together with Abba Father, and Yeshua, we decided that Holy Spirit would be our teacher, and we will walk this healing road with our heads held high as overcomers…for we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and word of our testimony (Rev. 12:11)! We are now finished with all sorts of pills, terminology for his behavior, hospitals, negative doctors-reports that this is what we should expect from brain-injured patients…No, you see, a healthy child that also acts strange made me realize there is something deeper. And then I finally realized once and for all who sits behind everything – the enemy, and that is when he jumped out. Only with Holy Spirit’s leading can you take on such a fight. Our family decided there is only one cure – the gospel of Jesus Christ!
Do you know that when you decide to go this route, you must be ready for the fight. And that is where God is preparing His bride now – His warrior bride. For so many years we didn’t learn anything about spiritual warfare. To go for deliverance counseling is wonderful, but I have found that you as a parent must know how to fight for your family and to overcome the enemy, because every kind of deliverance doesn’t necessarily happen immediately.
God is still God. What gives us so much power is our FAITH IN GOD. Romans 4:3 says: “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” We need to enter into the fight knowing that we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus – all that the enemy does to his captives, is he tells them lies that they eventually start believing if they don’t fight back.
It was a very tough time, especially when I had to board a plane and leave Tinus alone with the kids, knowing how these fighting sessions could last long into the night after we started praying certain powerful prayers. Through it all we had to constantly regulate the fluid on Aldo’s brain, as Wisdom revealed to us through Aldo’s letters. We saw how the enemy’s attacks become more and more violent against Aldo, and when this happens you want to fight back with the flesh. To tell you the truth – we did give in to the flesh sometimes! At first you want to do it with your “power”, and once you realize that doesn’t work you try your “might”, and then when you end up in a bundle on the floor quietly praying, you hear a soft, sill voice that says, “No, Retha. Only through My Spirit!”
I ministered in Oudtshoorn last week. The days were full of preaching at schools, baptizing people, and ministering until late in the evenings. After that I could go to my room, have a good cry, and then enter into spiritual warfare for my child. The last night, after three days of battle, I was terribly tired and prayed after my crying-session on the floor, “Abba, can I just place Joshie under Your one wing tonight, and Aldo under the other, and Tinus on Your lap, and I will sleep here at Your feet. Please Abba, I am too tired for this warfare and for praying in the spirit.” I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Read Psalm 61 before you go to bed, Retha.” It is 1 o’clock in the morning, but I opened my Bible quickly and read: “O God hear my cry! Hear My prayer! From the ends o the earth I cry for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for You are my save refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. Let me live forever in Your sanctuary, safe beneath the shelter of your wings.” Then I closed my eyes and slept peacefully, because I knew my Abba never slumbers or sleeps.
Back home, Aldo and Joshie were very happy when I returned. Aldo held me tightly for a long time, but suddenly the fallouts came back, and it was worse than before I left. He wrote: “Mom, it’s you – it is because you are back that they are on my case again.” The anointing will always make the enemy pop out. But once again I found my peace in knowing that Jesus is in control. We are not going to turn back now. Aldo wrote about Nehemiah that evening. Wow, what is God trying to tell me? “Nehemiah, go and finish building the wall that I sent you to build with the letter from the King.” I remember how I told Tinus one morning during the holidays when we went jogging, that Nehemiah was a businessman who God gave a task to do. “God uses ordinary people, Tinus” were my words to him. And here Aldo wrote: “Come Nehemiah. Come and finish the wall that you started building. You cannot stop halfway!” Once again I received new strength because I could see God’s hand in this difficult road of deliverance we are walking on. Romans 8: 31-32: “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?”
Someone said to me, “No, Retha. Deliverance should happen 1, 2, 3.” I only smiled and said, “Healing will happen 1, 2, 3 according to Gods timing. As we are busy dealing with the trauma, so deliverance will take place.” Funny how we always want things to happen exactly the way we think or believe. God is God. No two situations are exactly the same.
One deliverance can happen immediately, and the other can take time because territory needs to be taken back. But through it all it is God’s power Who sustains us. The “healing-the-trauma-sessions” has started, and how it works is actually soaking-sessions. Holy Spirit soaking sessions….because love overcomes ALL! There, safely in the presence of Yeshua, Aldo has started opening up after five years! He has never dealt with his pain yet, he didn’t know how to. Only in the presence of the Prince of Peace can hearts be opened and healed.
He wants to cry, but there are no tears. Only soft crying-sounds come out, and he lies on his face and screams – “I can’t even cry! What must I do because my heart is in pieces!” We were very happy to hear these words coming from his mouth, because it meant he was starting to deal with his pain. But it also hurts us, and with our own hurting hearts we hold him close and realize that he has been walking with all this pain for so long. His hurting heart has opened doors for rejection, and he doesn’t even know how to handle his crying noises. The next moment he said: “It is my fault that my Mommy cries so much! I am the reason for all her pain…” and then the big hurt in his heart is revealed, “My friends left me when I was in a coma!” He named his close friends when he was twelve years old, who didn’t know how to handle what happened to Aldo, so they all rather just stayed away. Would you believe me if I tell you Tinus and I looked at each other with hurt in our eyes, but we were also very excited…because there was a breaking through!!!
Thank You Jesus! Aldo was opening up for the first time in five years! In Aldo’s anger he says a “French word” and I say, “Hey Aldo, you can’t use that kind of language! I didn’t even know you knew that word!” And he screamed, “I am angry! I am angry! I AM ANGRY! That my heart is hurting so much all the time, and that I don’t have a life of my own, and that I can’t do what I want to do!” Finally, he is talking about what is really going on in his heart! This opens the door for us to talk to him, to pray with him, and to chase the demons away who tell him so many lies. They constantly whisper in his ears: “You won’t cope in this life. You are ugly. You don’t have any friends,” and so the lies were revealed one for one. “Nonsense!” I said, “those words don’t come from Jesus, they are lies from Satan, Aldo!” And then we fought the enemy again, because he will try anything in his power to distract Aldo from dealing with his pain. I could see how they were trying to get him to “zone-out” as in the past. After a long night I put off the light where Tinus was holding Aldo closely. Until this battle is over, Tinus will sleep with Aldo in his room. Aldo lies very close to his Dad, and he is only looking for security… yes, this is my seventeen year old teenager, only looking for love.
Pain only asks one thing – and that is unconditional love. I walk to our room, and kneel before the side of the bed where Joshie is now sleeping with me in our bed. I cover him with the blood of the Lamb, seal him, and pray for his spirit. The bread and the grape juice stand ready on the bedside table next to him, because in the morning he will wake me up with communion and then run to Aldo’s room to take communion with Aldo too. Josh also shares with us in this pain, and what we are doing with Aldo, we are also doing with Josh. Because I believe, that in a way he also went through trauma at that very young age. But I will not be anxious about him, because that is unbelief. I see how God is not looking to use the perfect, but how He chose a family full of imperfections and pain to accomplish His purposes. He says in His Word: “ A bruised reed He will not break, And smoking flax He will not quench; He will bring forth justice for truth” (Isaiah 42:3). That was pleasing to Him, because it shows the magnificence of His grace, His healing, His power. Grace is what we live from. God’s grace pitches a tent over us! A
God is talking to me about Romans 4, about the GRACE that He makes available for those who simply believe. Fear, doubt and unbelief go hand in hand with deception. The moment we allow any of these to enter into thoughts, we are believing and agreeing with, the lies of the enemy who is Satan. It is all about who we believe… FAITH IN GOD! So, keep on speaking life! Fear leads us to disobey GOD. Don’t entertain the lies of Satan. Ephesians 5:8-11: “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), 10 finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.
When we allow doubt to enter into our thoughts, (even doubt if we will ever be free from our bondage) then you lose reality of who God is. Therefore, “... Jesus said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you. 54 Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. 55 For My flesh is food indeed, and My blood is drink indeed. 56 He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him”(John 6:53-56).
To abide in Him, is also to receive His Word and His Truth.
Please know that Satan cannot lay hold of what we did not give him a right to. He cannot and does not trespass upon the children of God. The problem is that we do not use the weapons God has given us to take every thought captive into obedience to Christ Jesus. 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 gives us this assurance: “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.”
We have to live a life of abundance in Christ. Those who enter into the abundant life are not “specially chosen” but those who simply trust God and believe Him. There is nothing that you can do to impress God – other than believing and trusting Him. God is not moved by your situation at all – only by your faith in Him.
“Retha, the army that I talk to you about that will take nations, will consist of BELIEVERS WHO ARE VERY MUCH HUMAN, BUT ALSO VERY MUCH LIKE CHRIST. They will manifest the glory of God, they will be overcomers and by their faith, miracle, signs and wonders will manifest, and they will be warriors. They will be servants of the King and His people, and the message of the cross will accompany them. You will see the glory of the Lord upon them – only because they BELIEVE IN GOD!”
Come - we are a warrior bride. Stand prepared to be trained by the Prince of peace Himself!
Good night, I am going to the throne room now, and just enjoying my Abba… One thing I have desired of the LORD, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD, And to inquire in His temple (Psalm 27:4).
Retha