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I need You more than the air I breathe

‘’I need You more - I need You more Lord Jesus Christ!  I Need You more…….. Your presence is life to me, it is the air that I breathe, I need more of Your presence with every new day, my God - Elohim!’’

This is my heart’s cry.....I need You more!

I greet you from a very hot and dry Texas.  I am reminded of David’s cry in Psalm 63 where he says, ‘’My soul thirst for You; My flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water.’’  This is how I experience it here – and all over the world – YHVH’s children has a thirst for more of Him.

The hunger and desire for more of Yeshua , is something that cannot be bought, neither can it be found in education or anything else, but only in His presence. Only His love can fulfill that thirst.

With this extreme heat here, just as in Africa, you know that there is nothing that can satisfy your thirst, but water.  It is the same in the physical as it is in the spiritual – it is only the Living Water, Yeshua Himself that can quench our spiritual thirst - His presence, His love and His gentle touch.

Still, there is a cry in my heart for all of mankind (including myself), because I see how we become satisfied with that which we are so accustomed to.  The reason for this might be because we place our trust is in our own abilities and find our security in knowledge – which leads us not to desire more of Christ and His fullness. We try to quench our thirst by drinking stagnant water and not the Water of Life!

There are some who would even argue that there is no deeper intimacy with Christ. I do not desire to argue with those, because there are no words to describe His fire in me and therefore I do not even desire to fight you, but to love you.

Yeshua’s desire for all of us is to draw from this well of Living Water. I would like to illustrate it as drawing water from a well with two pails.  The first pail is filled with joy – as we grow in our relationship and love with the Lord in our hearts, so we are filled with His joy in the Holy Spirit.  This joy comes from deep within our spirit, and it has nothing to do with our circumstances; but we can have joy because of who Yeshua is and because of the truth of His Word which says: ‘’that which He has started in us, He will also complete.’’  The Word of God is filled with promises for those who believe.

The second pail is likened to a pail that is filled with understanding which is drawn from a heart filled with understanding, like it says in Proverbs 20 vs. 5: “Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.’’

I was reminded of a vision I once had of a well – as I looked at the well, I saw that many of the stones on the outside were broken, but from the inside of the well “living water” was bubbling up. As I asked the Lord about this, Holy Spirit answered me, ‘’This is what Aldo’s life looks like from the outside, but there is  a stream of living water flowing from deep within him.

“When you look at people Retah, do not focus at what you see on the outside, but look closer to see what is happening on the inside. It is the stones within a well that has to be removed, for it is these stones that block the flow of the living water.’’ 

So it is with many people who carry anger, hurt, jealousy and self justification within their hearts.  These ‘’stones’’ within our wells, prevent us from walking in the fullness of Christ.

‘’But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, ‘’Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name You are Mine’’ (Isaiah 43:1).

‘’Thank you Lord, that I walk with you by faith and not by sight – wherever You lead, I will follow… please only go with me all the way.’’

I am so deeply conscious of His Presence within my being.  As I returned to my hotel late one evening after a meeting in San Antonio, I heard His whisper, ‘’fear not for I AM your redeemer and I AM Tinus, Aldo, Josh and Chantelle’s redeemer – I AM with them as I AM with you.  I have called you al by name, you are Mine.’’

It is the burning, blazing fire of His Spirit within my heart that enables me to go and do what the King has called me to do – and I trust Him completely for the rest. I can testify of how He takes care of us. Even when we pass through the waters, or when we pass through the fire, YHVH is YHVH and He takes care of His children.  Often times we do not allow Him to take care of us, because we do not surrender everything to Him.  When you choose to surrender everything to the Lord, it enables you to take your stand in Him with empty hands so that He can lead the way.

With every test and trial I have died more to self. I have learned that I have to take the tests over and over again until I pass. But in all of this God never gives up on us, because He is faithful even when we are unfaithful.

We have just gone through such a time of testing again, and I realize now that due to the trauma that Aldo carried with him after the accident, the enemy used it as an opening to attack him. I did not know how to deal with trauma, but YHVH gave us the strength, wisdom and help that we needed as He led us by His Spirit.  This was all first hand revelation to us and I know that I will now also be able to help others in return.

The enemy is only looking for an opening within your walls, or even a slight bruise within your soul, in order to attack you.  This is why I believe that we have to rebuild the walls of our city (soul), so that we can become whole in Christ.  To rebuild the walls takes time, but with His guidance, mercy and love He will help us one step at a time.

I heard the Lord saying to me, “Don’t look around Retah, just keep on building, just as Nehemiah did. He built with one hand and he watched and prayed (fought the enemy) with the other.

“I love you Retah, just push through… no love is higher, no love is wider, no love is deeper, than My love for My children; not only for the perfect, but for the imperfect also - because love means to love the imperfect, perfectly.

“My love will never depart from you. Just keep on seeking My Kingdom. Let the Word of God teach you through My Spirit and My love. Even if you don’t have all the answers, I will teach you in My love.

“At Calvary My mercy and My love was poured out like mighty rivers. My blood was shed, so that forgiveness may come. Fasten this truth in your heart: no love is wider, no love is higher, no love is deeper,  than My love for sinners -  for all who have erred, for all who know that they need Me.”

“How I praise you Yeshua for this truth! Let me seek Your Kingdom only, for You alone shall be my glory - nothing in this world, but You alone shall be my glory! You and only You can satisfy.

“You came like the rain that we need so desperately. Faithful God, thank You, for sanctifying me. All of my love is for you, for You always bring life. I love you, Yeshua!’’

Let's keep our eyes on Him – and seek Him with all our hearts. If our eyes are fixed on Him, and not on mere men, we won’t be able to say one day that we were led astray. Please don’t fix your eyes on me or on any other person – just seek Jesus.

Let us all build our own walls, and stand in the gap for our children and loved ones. We have to rebuild the walls of our soul with Holy Spirit’s help, and only after that we will see the healing in our bodies. We are spirit, soul and body. We as parents need to stand in the gap for our children and help them rebuild the walls of their soul – as well as our own.

Yeshua taught that unless a seed falls into the ground and dies, it will never reproduce and it will remain alone. The secret to a really fruitful life is death to self and living for God and others. Our journey and walk here is not about us, but it is all about Him. 

Thank you that you are with us in this dying process.  Wherever I go, people are saying, ‘’Retah, you are so transparent.’’  I walk away and think to myself, ‘’what is plan B? A mask to pretend I am someone that I am not?’’ For too long in the past, the enemy deceived me into believing that lie. No, thank you – I don’t want to do that anymore. I look at the masks that people wear, and I see the pain behind the masks.  It is such freedom to live in the light!

Even in our thoughts - if the enemy can control your thought life, he controls your destiny. That is why the Word of God says, that we have to take every thought captive to obedience in Christ.

As part of a school project here in Laredo Texas, the children get a lamb or a pig to look after for a season. The lamb or pig that is in the best condition at the end of the term wins the prize. There goes a lot of planning and care into looking after their new pet.  It amazes me to see how the children respond to this challenge and how they enjoy the responsibility thereof.

I see how the dad’s drive around with the little lambs in the back of their cars and I smile - because I know how easily we can settle into the monotony of day to day life, and that even something as small as a new pet can change all that and bring so much joy and “life” into our lives.

As I see how other people and cultures live, I realized again how grateful I am that life is so simple in Africa. We have milk, not ten different flavors of milk - just milk! It just simplifies life so much.

What I am about to say may sound strange, but I think our “drive-through” lifestyle has become so easy for some people,  that they don’t see, feel or even enjoy real life anymore. The lambs and pigs brought a lot of life into those families, because they are real animals and they live!

Jesus Christ, The Messiah, is the only One who will ever be able to bring true life and peace to your soul - nothing that the world offers will ever satisfy.

Lord Jesus - thank You for life, thank You for love, thank You for hope and thank You that we can believe in You. Yeshua, because You live, I can face tomorrow.

Everything is going well at home, God is in control. He said to me, “Retah, go and build my house, and trust Me that I will build yours.”

To everyone here in Laredo and the rest of Texas that made my time here so special by being obedient to God’s voice - thank you very much for all your love.

(Photo: Retah and Pastor John Haggee after attending his church service in Texas.)

That which God has started in all of us, HE will complete!

From a very hot Texas, I bless you.


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