Embrace the heartache with Jesus
I cancelled all my speaking appointments last week just to be at home with Aldo. I am away on speaking engagements every weekend and it was amazing to spend a weekend with my family quietly at home. On Saturday afternoon Tinus took Josh to the big rugby match in Pretoria, while Aldo and I stayed at home. It was so good for Josh to have this special time with his Dad. I wanted to put the game on for Aldo on the TV, but no – he was very happy to be in the Word of God. Both of us sat with our Bibles open and spent amazing time with God. We didn’t talk; just quietly enjoyed being in His presence for hours. Every time I see him reading his Bible for hours I am amazed all over again.
He looked at me intently, not saying anything. After he stared at me for a while he said, “Mom, turn to the Lord and tell Him your heart. He loves to hear it. It will be good for your well-being, Mom.” The tears ran over my cheeks when he said this, because I was at a place where I did not want to speak. My spirit was so quiet. I did worship in my spirit, but there were no words to talk! I felt sick in my body, but I knew I just had to go on for Aldo’s sake, and my family’s sake. I was not well because I wasn’t telling God what was going on in my heart – I couldn’t talk, I didn’t want to think, I just went on, and on... But my mind was full. Psalm 145:14 says: “The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down.”
In order to embrace and endure things like sorrow and suffering, we must rise above our perspective and accept that God is still in control. Trusting Him that all will work together for our good in the end.
In John 14:27 Jesus promises: “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid...”
Aldo looked at me and said, “Go on Mom, go to Jesus. Tell Him everything!” I fell on my knees and cried so much. Aldo knelt next to me and put his hand on my head. Words that were buried so deep inside of me came out of my mouth.
“Lord, I embrace what You have for me. Thank You for helping me to do so. I cannot even pray out of my own, I need you Lord. I cannot walk this walk without embracing You together with our sorrow.”
To see Aldo in pain all the time but still pressing in to his calling, makes me so humble. There is a great fullness welling up in my soul for who God is. I sit in His presence and open my heart to carefully listen to Him. He said “Retha, are you willing to trust Me even when everyone in the world thinks you are crazy to hold on to your promises? Remember Retha, My love for you is not affected by your heart. Give Me your heart... it doesn’t matter in what state or condition it is in, just give Me your heart. I can see how broken it is because of what happened. You are crying because you have to stand strong for your family, but you see how people handle Aldo, or don’t believe what he says. Remember My child, this is a spiritual battle. Don’t expect people to see or understand what I show him and teach him. Forgive them! Only those whose ears are open to My voice - will hear and understand what he says.”
“Lord, I thank You for receiving me as I am. I pour out my heart before You. Like Psalm 16 says: You are my Lord, apart from You I have no good thing!”
On Sunday, Tinus and Aldo went to church. I did not feel well, so Joshie and I stayed home. During the service they called Aldo and Tinus to the front to pray for him. He came home and said, “Mom, you missed all the angles in church today! They were all around me when they prayed for me. Everything is going to be fine Mom, because Jesus is alive!” Yes, I know it will be.
Tinus is sleeping next to Aldo every night, because when he wants to get up during the night, he can easily fall. We are very careful at the moment because we don’t want him to fall on his face when his mouth is still in such bad shape. How I see the peace of God in Tinus! One morning he said to me, “What an experience it is to sleep next to Aldo... I can constantly feel God’s presence!”
“Father, thank You for loving us and giving us the strength to stand. Thank you for the strength that we find in Your Word!”
Real strength and real growth comes as we consistently and constantly keep God’s Word before our eyes, in our ears, and in the midst of our heart. Not just when we feel like it.
I learn so much from Aldo. In his everyday life I can see how the Word is alive and true in him, regardless of what comes his way, or how he feels. He keeps on adding the Word to his faith, meditating on it, confessing it - seven days a week!
I am so thankful to God for this supernatural journey.
Thank God for your life in Him.